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5 Surefire Ways Not to Get Hired

Written by UI-Staff

111014_Jobs

On average, any job that is posted in a creative or tech related field receives hundreds of applicants. When faced with the arduous task of reviewing each application, the following tells are a sure way to get deleted before anyone of importance ever gets to your resume or work samples. If you can successfully do the following 5 things, you’ll be amongst the elite few who make it to the top of the list, or at the very least, don’t agitate the poor sap who has to pour through hundreds of unqualified candidates.


RULE #01: Read the damn ad
This isn’t the 70’s anymore. No one will hire you for a position you’re unqualified for because they like your gusto and think you deserve a chance. The requirements listed for a job are not some hopeful work of fiction, to be selectively ignored by the applicant at their leisure. Have actual qualifications or be prepared to land in the black hole of bad applicants, never to return.

RULE #02: Don’t be annoying
Do not point out typos in a job ad, make condescending remarks or use more than one exclamation point per paragraph. If you’re not actually creative, don’t try to get overly creative with your cover letter as it will probably end up annoying the HR rep and wish for their 30 seconds back. Similarly, being a jerk, a ditz, self-deprecating, self-worshiping or overly cute will all equally result in joblessness.

RULE #03: Present yourself
If you’re applying for a creative job, do not send your resume in a word document. If you’re applying for a copywriter position, do not have typos in your cover letter. If you’re applying for a web design job, make sure you’ve renewed your domain hosting for the year. If you’re applying for a social media position, be more engaging than a cinderblock. Consider exactly what it is that you do and how that is reflected in your presentation.

RULE #04: Don’t show up, don’t call, leave my grandma alone*.
If you didn’t get contacted for the job right away, feel free to follow up the next week via email. If they still don’t contact you, showing up or dialing management between meetings on a frenzied Monday morning will definitely not improve your odds of employment. Contrary to what you may think about spam filters, chances are your application was received. Also, please do not stalk the hiring manager, their wife or their grandmother via Facebook in hopes of landing an interview – it will result in joblessness and possibly a restraining order (*true story).

RULE #05: Read the damn ad again!
If you are going to apply for a job, at least have enough sense to know exactly what you’re applying for. If everyone did this, the amount of applications would be 1/5 of what they are for any given posting and hiring managers everywhere would have more time to sneak into the bathroom to play angry birds or write insightful stuff like this. Please, for the love of god, read the ad!

Were the above considerations obvious common sense to you? Are you ready for a kick-A job? Head over to our careers section and see if there’s something for you.