In Cupertino today, Tim Cook, Apple’s new CEO assumed the mantle of chief tech tastemaker with a series of announcements.  But first, why was there no live web cast of the event? Why don’t they want us to know Tim? Curious.

After tuning in to the Apple live blog cast on Mashable, it was very apparent this new guy loves stats. He just keeps rolling them out. Then Mr. Cook proceeds to speak about the new stores, Lions, iPods, iPads, zzzz more stats.

Basically, all the heavy lifting this presentation was done by Scott Forestall and Phil Schiller. They shared a mediocre slate of new releases, postcards app (really?), Twitter integration into the iOS (kinda cool), release dates for iCloud and iOS5 which we’ve been waiting for since Spring. AirPlay is definitely a plus and I would like one of though Nano watches!  The creepy announcements included how one can stalk family and friends through your phone.

Surely, Cook will be back for the iPhone announcement that everyone in the universe has been waiting for, but Phil Schiller stays on stage and says:

HERE’S THE iPhone 5…4S! Same exterior, new guts! (Paraphrasing).

Pffft.

They think they’ll get folks hyped by a cool game that can only be played on the 4S, a SIRI app that you can talk to, a better camera, and better battery life.  Well, I’m going to pass on this one. I may go Android until a design upgrade is released.  True, the 3GS is now free with a 2-year contract and welcome Sprint to the carrier party, but the 90-minute presentation was really not much.

I’m thinking this event was not a great introduction for the new CEO, Tim Cook. Maybe he should have worn a mock black turtleneck?

Also, wouldn’t Apple want us minions to see the Siri demo via a live web cast?  That seems to be the only standout differentiator.

Basically, Apple was not FUN today, nor full of wonder, it was not Steve.

This presentation sorely paled in comparison to the Facebook keynote a couple of weeks ago or even Jeff Bezo and the release of Kindle Fire last week.

But, speaking of fun, since I have serious ADD, I also opened another browser window adjacent to Mashable’s live blog feed to take in the wisdom of @FakeLiveBlog, who’s profile reads: Creator of the finest quality fake live blogging of overhyped technology announcements.

Here are some of the more entertaining zingers.

Schiller: “That cameraless, microphoneless Amazon Fire is reall nice, innit? iPod touch. 8GB. $199. Bite me, Bezos.” #fakeapple

Schiller: “The iPhone 4S is a software upgrade for existing iPhone 4 owners. Naw, I’m just jerking your chain. Idiots.” #fakeapple

Schiller: “The new camera figures out the best shots for you, so leave it alone. Stop bothering it.” #fakeapple

Forstall: “Siri, call the maitre d’ and tell him I’m Steve Jobs, and I need a reservation.” #fakeapple

Cook: “If you dream good dreams and live a good life, one morning, you’ll wake up and find an iPhone 4S under your pillow.” #fakeapple

What did you think about today’s Apple announcements?